Half past midnight. The baby is asleep; the mother is not. She is rehearsing a question she's half-afraid will sound silly. By morning rounds, the nurse will hear it. The next morning, she'll hear it again, from a different mother, in almost the same words. After enough mornings, you notice the shape of it.
These are the ten that come up over and over. Some clinical, some cultural, some 3am-grade quiet. The answers below are the ones our team actually gives. The friend-leaning-on-the-bed-rail version, not the textbook one, not the WhatsApp aunty one.
1. "Is she getting enough milk?"
The question. Every mum, every generation. The answer your nurse will give you on day 2: count diapers, not minutes.
- Day 1: 1 wet, 1 dirty (meconium, black and tar-like)
- Day 3: 3 wets, 3 dirties (transitioning to mustard yellow)
- Day 5 onwards: 6+ heavy wet diapers, 3+ dirty diapers a day
If those numbers track, your baby is getting enough. A bit of weight loss in the first 4-5 days is normal; over 10% gets re-checked. The early colostrum days feel like nothing is happening, but a teaspoon is the whole meal at that point.
2. "Why is her poo that colour?"
In one week your baby produces four wildly different colours of stool. All normal.
- Day 1-2: Meconium: black, sticky, like roofing tar. Tells you the gut works.
- Day 3-4: Brown-green, looser. The transition.
- Day 5+: Mustard yellow with seedy flecks (breastfed) or thicker tan (formula-fed).
- Bright green and frothy: Usually a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, fixable with one longer feed per side.
Chalk-white or fresh red blood is a same-day doctor question, not a WhatsApp-the-cousin question.
3. "Can I drink water during 月子?"
Yes. Drink water during 月子. Warm if it makes you happier, room-temperature if it doesn't. The old rule against cold water came from a time when "cold water" meant water from a clay urn in a northern Chinese courtyard at 4am in February. Not tap water in Bukit Damansara.
The volume target is 2.5-3 litres a day if you're breastfeeding. You'll know you're undershooting because your urine turns the colour of teh tarik. Aim for pale lemonade.
4. "When can I shower properly?"
The traditional rule was "no shower for 28 days". The modern compromise most KL paeds and OBs now sign off on:
- Day 1-3: Sponge bath, warm ginger water or plain warm water.
- Day 4+ (vaginal, uncomplicated): Quick warm shower is fine. Dry off properly. Keep the suite warm afterwards.
- C-section: Wait until the dressing is off and the incision is dry. Usually day 5-7. Pat, don't rub.
Hair-washing is the bigger debate. Many mums now wash from week 2 with warm water and a thorough blow-dry. If your scalp is itchy by day 5, it's already affecting your sleep, which affects your milk. The cost-benefit has shifted.
5. "Why am I crying for no reason?"
Around day 3, estrogen and progesterone fall roughly 100-fold in 72 hours. The largest hormone drop in human physiology. You will cry at a slow song. You will cry at a soup that's slightly too salty. You will cry because someone closed the door gently and you wanted them to close it more gently.
This is the baby blues. It should peak around day 4-5 and fade by week 2.
If it doesn't fade, if you're still crying every day at week 3, can't eat, can't sleep when the baby sleeps, feel disconnected, or have intrusive scary thoughts, that's postpartum depression or anxiety. It's one of the most common postpartum issues and one of the most treatable. Bring it up sooner than the 6-week check-up if you can.
6. "Is it normal she's feeding every 90 minutes?"
Yes. Especially around 3 weeks, 6 weeks, and 3 months: growth-spurt windows where babies cluster-feed to bump your supply up for the next stage. Exhausting, temporary, the system working.
A newborn's stomach is the size of a marble on day 1, a ping-pong ball by day 3, and a small egg by week 1. Small tank, frequent fills. By week 6 the gaps lengthen.
7. "How long will the bleeding last?"
Lochia (the bleeding after birth) has three phases:
- Week 1: Bright red, like a heavy period. Soaks a maxi pad in 3-4 hours.
- Week 2: Pink-brown, lighter.
- Week 3-6: Yellow-cream discharge that tapers off.
Total range is 4-6 weeks. Flow should trend down. If you fill a pad in under an hour, pass clots bigger than a 50-sen coin, or the bleeding gets heavier after slowing down, call your OB the same day.
8. "Should I wake her to feed?"
Mostly, yes, for the first two weeks. Newborns should feed every 2.5-3 hours by day, every 3-4 hours at night. Wake her until she's back to birth weight, usually day 10-14.
After that, if she's gaining well and her paed is happy, you can stop the alarm. Most night nurses let her stretch to 4-5 hours by week 3.
9. "When will my milk come in?"
For first-time mums, day 3 or 4. For second-time mums, often day 2. C-section can delay it by a day.
Before that, you have colostrum: small in volume, big in antibodies, perfectly matched to a marble-sized stomach. The frustrating part is that you can't pump much of it out, because it isn't designed to be pumped. It's hand-expressed in tiny C-shaped squeezes and fed by spoon or syringe. Your lactation consultant will show you.
Engorgement on day 3-4 is the sign milk has arrived. Cool cabbage leaves, a warm shower before feeds, and frequent gentle feeding usually settle it. If a hot, red, painful patch appears that doesn't drain after a feed and you start running a fever, that's mastitis. Same-day call to your doctor.
10. "Is this normal, or do I need to call the doctor?"
The question behind every other question. If you are asking it, you are doing the work of a good mother. The instinct that something is off is worth respecting, every time.
The rest can wait for rounds. Write them down. Half answer themselves by 6am.
The honest part
Three of these answers have shifted in the last decade. Hair-washing loosened. Cold-water rules loosened. C-section recovery tightened, because earlier mobilisation heals better. If your mother gives you a rule that contradicts your modern OB, the rule probably didn't survive. Because the evidence didn't survive. That doesn't make her wrong about everything. It makes her a person who learned from a different decade.
The questions, on the other hand, are eternal.
This is information, not medical advice. Your doctor knows your case.